No Boob Required

My itty bitty baby girl, who just turned 15 months is hilarious. And weird.

Today, I was putting her down for a nap and in my haste (I had three other children under four I was simultaneously trying to toilet, feed, and get down for naps as well) I accidentally put her to bed with her shoes on. Cute little strappy numbers that have velcro flowers on them. White. (commence retching now. I did not buy them. 95% of my children’s clothes are hand me downs, the other 5% are from grandparents – judge away!)

After I had gotten the rest of the house silenced (which was no small feat) I hear an odd noise that I cannot place. Thinking the cat had was wreaking havoc somewhere else in the house like the kale fiasco ( ) I wanted to put the smack down on this as soon as humanly possible. After 10 wasted minutes of searching in all the places, silently, like a ninja (you can’t ruin naps in my house or you get punished!! Mommy included!) I realized it was emanating from the baby monitor. I go up to check on the baby, who I thought was sleeping. I open the door and she looks up at me from her crib, grins, and riiiiiiiips the shoes (that I had left on her feet) open and then closes them. Then giggles. (The giggling was entirely for my reaction. She had not been giggling prior to my opening the door).


Look at Mama.



I enjoyed the show for about two minutes and then said, “Okay, baby girl. Clearly your shoes are keeping you from sleeping. Let’s rectify that.” So I remove the shoes and set them (silly me) on her dresser. In plain sight.

Then I leave. Mama needs a nap, too, remember?

Wailing begins. Usually she fusses for about 30 seconds when I leave the room but then settles down for her nap. Yup, I’m a horrible person who allows her child’s voice/tears to rise above 6.7 decibels when she’s *gasp* alone in her room for more than 5 seconds. Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I even let her cry for five MINUTES. Oh, the horror. Call CPS now.

So after waiting about three minutes her wailing becomes high pitched and shrill. (This is a sign that no amount of time waiting will induce sleep or a calm state.) As I walk towards her bedroom door to pull out the magic sleepy device (also known as “THE BOOB”) she starts talking between her cries.

“MAMA!” wails “Shoe. My shoe.” wails “Pweeeeease?” wails “MY SHOE PWEEEEASE?! PWEASE!”

Hearing my baby daughter cry/yell the word please has me dissolving into laughter outside my door.

So I did what any parent would do. I opened the door, picked up the shoes, and put them back on my child.

She immediately replaced her pacifier, picked up her lovey, laid down and closed her eyes.


No boob required.


One thought on “No Boob Required

  1. Pingback: Mama Failed Today | Parenting, By the Seat of my Pants...

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