So this may come as a shock, but at this point in our relationship you may have gathered by now:

I have a fairly foul vocabulary.

I know, you’re floored.

In my efforts to not be the parent of “that child” that constantly says “fuck this shit” and “shut the hell up” and other really awful ones like “jizz receptacle” on the playground, I’ve started creating my own curse word abbreviation substitutes. I know, I’m not original, but whatevs.

These include:

The basics:

B – bitch

Effer – fucker (also has other variations of which I am sure you are familiar: effed, eff, effing, etc etc. “Fuck” is a very versatile word that way. It applies in every part of speech)

Shiz – shit


The more complex:

STFU – shut the fuck up

GTFO – Get the fuck out


And the cosmically impressive:

SOMFGYCB – seriously, oh my god you fucking crazy bitch (<- okay this one’s not real but it would be awesome if I could remember that many letters in the correct sequence on the regular)


So this evening, I’m on the phone with a friend and Kathryn the (no longer a but we still call her a) baby is talking on and on and on in her crib, which prevents us from putting Susan to bed, as they are currently sharing a room. (We’re living in my mom’s basement for the moment. It’s long story. We are grateful. And cramped.)


So I say to said friend on the phone “Can you hang on a second? I need to go tell Kathryn to STFU.” (see above dictionary)

My husband says “I’ll go try to settle her.” (or something like that. I fully admit I wasn’t really listening…)

And Susan (the four year old) pipes up with: “Tell her to STFU, Daddy!”



Is that better? I’m not really sure….



And I totally need to pay homage to one of my favorite, awesome mom bloggers: MWDAS. Another combination of letters!! (It’s “Moms Who Drink and Swear” for you newbies). Check her out. She’s fan-fucking-jizz-recepticle-tastic:

AND you should buy her book. Or get like ten friends to follow my blog and I’ll lend it to you a-la-kindle style. 😉 And no, she’s not paying me to say this or is even remotely aware that I have posted this. She’s just been a total inspiration regarding what it’s like to be a mom who….drinks and swears. It’s like my mecca. Anyway, check it out. You won’t regret it. 


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